The Upside of Letting It All Hang Out

Someone asked why I would tell people—lots of people—that I am dealing with cancer. Boy, that wasn't my first instinct. My first and strongest instinct was the pull in on myself and not tell anyone, not even family. But I changed my mind and here's why.

• I want to feel supported. I could more easily go through it alone. I think. But I don't want to find out if that's true and I don't want to be the kind of person who shuts others out in order to maintain a perfect image.
• I want to overcome separateness. That's a personal goal and boy, did it work. I received such amazing responses.
• I want to create connection. I've been thinking for the past year about just what constitutes "love." It seems to me that at least part of the definition is about feeling connected with one another. This looked like a good connection possibility.
• I want to practice being my best self. My best self is the same on the inside as on the outside—integrated—and this is a great chance to let down the portculus.

That's it. If you would rather not see my inside self or be connected or otherwise hear this saga, just let me know and I'll remove you from the distribution list but not from my heart.

Next I'll have an MRI. They are lots of fun. Not. But things go better with Valium. After that, a surgical consult. Stay tuned.