Morning Frolics

Our Pixiebob is named Sparky Heinie the Wonder Cat. This is because he chews electrical cords and I fully expect to find him some day flying around the room backwards with sparks shooting out of his bum.

At about 4:40 AM, Sparky Heinie the Wonder Cat turns on his motor and sits on the side of my head that isn’t facing the pillow. If the noise and pressure on the side of my head don’t get my attention, he leans over and licks inside the nearest nostril. This never fails to animate me.

I roll over really fast onto my other side, and Sparky repositions himself on the bed for the next maneuver, which is to do his commando crawl along my torso, then under my arm, worming his way toward my face, purring aggressively. I play dead. He bumps my nose with his cold, wet one, which might be affection or it might be a cat torture technique. I roll over. We keep this up, with variations on the theme, until 5:30 when I give up and get out of bed.

I plug in the curling iron in the bathroom, then go back to the bedroom to turn on the yoga tape in the bedroom VCR, Sparky trailing along and inspecting, batting at, and obstructing everything. I’ve tried feeding him first but he doesn’t want food. He’s just a morning person and is overjoyed to start the day. We do yoga for about a half hour (and I do mean “we”) before I get dressed.

I’m making my lunch when I hear a low growl in the living room. I walk in very quietly and Sparky is staring at the wall of windows where the giant evil white poodle from down the street has his nose pressed to the glass, staring witlessly at Sparky. It’s a standoff. I back out quietly and get my slingshot.

There’s something just so damned cheeky about this dog menacing us in the windows after pooping on our lawn. He does it all the time. And he runs up to me in my yard and barks like I’m intruding on his territory.

Ordinarily I love dogs. I’m a saint; ask anybody. But this dog is an idiot and I project that his owners must be, too. I’m ready for him. My plan is to stun him with my slingshot and, while he’s out, truss him up with an old phone cord so I can decorate him with various colors of spray paint and glue-on plastic jewels as a warning to his owners to keep him home. I’ll paint his toenails with gold airplane dope, pencil in eyebrows with a Magic Marker, and feed him food coloring so his tongue turns blue. Then I’m going to shave “Crapper Go Home” across his butt and let him go.

I go out the front door and sneak around the house to the east side where he’s still glued to the window wall. Horse chestnuts are my ammunition of choice—substantial but organic and virtually untraceable—and I have the slingshot loaded, ready to go.

Just as he senses my presence and starts to turn toward me, I quickly move out a bit from the side of the house, taking aim at the same time. I have a clear shot at the area between his big brown eyes. He starts barking and I let fly and am reloading even as the horse chestnut hits him hard on the nose. He lets out a yelp and lurches backward, pivoting in mid air as he goes. I nail him again in the butt, which he tucks gracelessly, shagging for home.

I call this round a draw and continuing getting ready for work. I'll get you, Crapper.

Dreams

Dream interpretation is more an art than a science, but this method is one I've found to be quick and effective. Just remember a couple of things:

• a dream is a picture of a feeling.

• a dream is always about something you don't know or don't want to know.

• The negative stuff represents how you are feeling, not who you are.

• The positive stuff is pointing you in the direction that you need to go—your growing edge.

• Nightmares are intense because they are designed to get your attention on some important matter.

Here's an example.

1. Write down a dream

The Dream

I’m on my way to a party or wedding or ceremony in a place I’ve been to before. It was hard to get to then but now it’s easy.

It is in a rustic area, like Chatsworth Lake.

The road is nothing but a narrow gravel track, but I remember how to get there.

Along the way I see local people hanging out, laughing and talking. It makes me realize that I admire their experience of community, even though the people are not well off or sophisticated.

2. Pick out all the negative words—words that indicate limitation, disrespect, constriction, avoidance, damage, etc. These indicate how you are feeling.

I am feeling...	The Dream
difficult to get to	I’m on my way to a party or wedding or ceremony in a place I’ve been to before. It was hard to get to then but now it’s easy.
undeveloped	It is in a rustic area, like Chatsworth Lake.
narrow access, unimproved	The road is nothing but a narrow gravel track, but I remember how to get there.
poor, unsophisticated	Along the way I see local people hanging out,laughing and talking. It makes me realize that I admire their experience of community, even though the people are not well off or sophisticated.

3. Identify the positive words.These represent your growing edge and indicate what you need.

I am feeling...	The Dream	I need...
difficult to get to	I’m on my way to a party or wedding or ceremony in a place I’ve been to before. It was hard to get to then but now it’s easy.	ceremony, familiar place, easy
undeveloped	It is in a rustic area, like Chatsworth Lake.
narrow access, unimproved	The road is nothing but a narrow gravel track, but I remember how to get there.	remember
poor, unsophisticated	Along the way I see local people hanging out,laughing and talking. It makes me realize that I admire their experience of community, even though the people are not well off or sophisticated.	community

4. Put it all together. This is the interpretation part.

I am feeling...	The Dream	I need...	INTERPRETATION
difficult to get to	I’m on my way to a party or wedding or ceremony in a place I’ve been to before. It was hard to get to then but now it’s easy.	ceremony, familiar place, easy	I am on my way to improvement of a familiar situation.
undeveloped	It is in a rustic area, like Chatsworth Lake.		I am undeveloped in this area.
narrow access, unimproved	The road is nothing but a narrow gravel track, but I remember how to get there.	remember	I'm not adept but am aware of what's important.
poor, unsophisticated	Along the way I see local people hanging out,laughing and talking. It makes me realize that I admire their experience of community, even though the people are not well off or sophisticated.	community, connection	I need to have more interaction with people who value community.

5. Identify the location—the area of your life being pictured.

6. Give the dream a title—the summary of the what dream means.

Location	Neighborhood where there is lots of interaction between residents = connection, community.
Title	"Getting Back in Touch with What's Important "

See the Irish dream web site, Aisling, for some good descriptions of common dream symbols. However, your associations with a symbol are more important than any generic description.

Welcome to My Blog

Well, I tried this out on a few close friends, and they were shocked and offended, so I guess it's OK to distribute.

This winter in Seattle has been cold and grim—the coldest and snowiest I've experienced here—so we find our entertainment where we can. This is my way of keeping in touch and indulging a teensy tendency to show off.

Stay tuned...

Why I Peed in the Mens Room

So, here’s why I peed in the men’s room.

I’m working on a fascinating project and I love the guys I work with because not only are they computer geeks extraordinaire but they are literate. And they ask me questions about my field. They really want to know the difference between “disinterested” and “uninterested” and why punctuation goes inside quotation marks. They are great writers, too.

Back to the story. I’m at my desk doing hard thinking work about how I’m going to depict this graphic that we’re working on that will determine the cyber security methods for the whole company for the next five years at least. It shows things like biometrics and RFIDs and complex passwords. Then I have to go to the bathroom. Still thinking and imagining solutions intensely, I head for the restrooms.

The restrooms are down the hall, at opposite ends of an alcove. I wheel into the alcove, hit the door, and head for my favorite potty, the handicapped one. (No handicapped people had better ever challenge me on using it, either. I’m a woman, I'm fat, I’m old, and if that isn’t a handicap, I don’t know what is.)

So I’m sitting on the pot, still thinking and imagining how to solve this problem when I notice that the woman next to me has some pretty hefty brogans showing underneath the stall wall. And she is flushing the toilet over and over again, non-stop. Weird. But I’m busy so I wash my hands and turn to leave the deserted restroom. The woman in the brogans is still flushing like crazy.

As I near the door, I glance to the side. Urinals? What are urinals doing in here? Aw, Holy Mother of God.

A couple of days later, I’m driving down the freeway, and I start laughing in a way that is a danger to me and everyone else because my driving is definitely impaired. I realize the “woman” next to me probably noticed my cute little ballet flats and thought he was in the ladies room. What repeatedly flushing the toilet was going to do to remedy the situation, I don’t know, but I almost made an unsafe lane change I was laughing so hard.

Aren’t old people fun? Ah, well. Back to my chow mein.

Another Saturday Night...

and I'm starting a blog.

If you leave parties early, as I just did, you have time to do interesting things, like start a blog or prank call your ex-boyfriends or paint your dog's toenails.

At any rate, I'm not sure what will appear here, but I'll try to make it worthwhile. For example, here's a useful idea to program yourself with: "This has come to pass but it isn't staying." Apply to all unwanted conditions and people.