Done

Surgery was today. All seems well, but then I'm zonked on pain meds. I feel OK, but then I'm zonked on pain meds. Doc says it was successful.

Thanks for all the the loving support I've received. I'm sure it has made the whole event flow with grace and ease.

Surgery Day

For those who have been asking: Thursday, 5-15-08, 1 p.m.

The warm-up starts at 10:15 a.m. with the checking in ceremony. If one more person asks me list my prior surgeries and current medications, you will hear about it on the 6 o'clock news. So far, there have been four requests for the exact same information. In the same medical facility.

Then The Girls and I go to a procedure euphemistically called "wire localization." It involves inserting wires right in the breast in a circle around the area to be removed, much like staking out an excavation. This is done with a local anesthetic. Can't wait.

Now we wait at least an hour for the main event, the surgery. I figure by then I'll be ready for some major druggage and may even have to be restrained from helping myself.

I'll go home after I wake up. No staying in the hospital for me, apparently.

That's all the news from Lake Woebegone. I probably won't be lucid until Saturday so phone calls might be a bit stranger than usual; consider yourself warned.

The Best of "Overheard in New York"

Every week I get an e-mail from http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/ and usually end up laughing until I cry. They are literally conversations overheard in New York and sent in to the web site. Here are some of the best recent ones.

Pissed girlfriend: You never want to do anything fun.
Exasperated boyfriend: That's because everything you call 'fun' involves heroin or fire.

Angry woman to friend: I have a contention with the way people pronounce my daughter's name. I did not name my daughter 'Lady Nasty'! I named my baby girl 'La Dynasty.'

Little boy holding pack of Orbitz gum: Mommy, is this kosher?
Mother: Sweetie, how many times do I have to tell you that we aren't Jewish?

Five-year-old boy: I want a spoon of peanut butter for breakfast!
Dad: Are you allowed to eat that for breakfast? I'm not sure, let's call your mom.
Five-year-old boy: You're an adult, you can make those decisions.

Thug #1 to Thug #2, while observing typical, plain, Midwest vacationing family getting off a tour bus: Get back on that bus! This New York! You can't handle this shit! [Teenage kids smile. The father, absolutely horrified, grabs the kids and throws them back on the bus.]

Mom: Oh my god! Why are these things so expensive?
Lil' boy holding fake jewelry: Hey mommy! You know what I want to be? I want to be a girl.
Mom laughing nervously: Can you believe some of the things these kids say?

Drunk woman: I won't sleep with people when I'm drunk. I'm not like that. I get drunk and I punch people in the face... I'm totally against infidelity. I can't deal with that. I mean, I've been caught cheating lots of times, and it totally sucks.

College girl #1: Which way to the Eiffel Tower?
Suit, puzzled, pointing East: That way?
College girl #2: How far is it?
Suit: About three thousand miles.
College girl #1: No! No! [Makes peak with fingertips of both hands.] The... Eiffel... Tower!
Suit: Yeah, that way about three thousand miles—across the Atlantic Ocean —in Paris.
College girl #2, also making peak with hands: No! No! It's a... It's a... The Empire State Building!
Suit, pointing at looming Empire State Building: The Empire State Building is right there.
College girl #2: You have to excuse us—we're from Oregon.

Father to son running towards intersection: Remember! A foot in the street means a foot in your ass!

The Upside of Letting It All Hang Out

Someone asked why I would tell people—lots of people—that I am dealing with cancer. Boy, that wasn't my first instinct. My first and strongest instinct was the pull in on myself and not tell anyone, not even family. But I changed my mind and here's why.

• I want to feel supported. I could more easily go through it alone. I think. But I don't want to find out if that's true and I don't want to be the kind of person who shuts others out in order to maintain a perfect image.
• I want to overcome separateness. That's a personal goal and boy, did it work. I received such amazing responses.
• I want to create connection. I've been thinking for the past year about just what constitutes "love." It seems to me that at least part of the definition is about feeling connected with one another. This looked like a good connection possibility.
• I want to practice being my best self. My best self is the same on the inside as on the outside—integrated—and this is a great chance to let down the portculus.

That's it. If you would rather not see my inside self or be connected or otherwise hear this saga, just let me know and I'll remove you from the distribution list but not from my heart.

Next I'll have an MRI. They are lots of fun. Not. But things go better with Valium. After that, a surgical consult. Stay tuned.