I'm reading Furiously Funny by The Bloggess and it reminded me that I love to write for my blog and that I haven't in a long time. Brace yourself.
Getting a Cosmic Name
I took a class called “Expanding Your Mental Equivalent” and on the last night, we did this activity: one person was “it” and everyone else called out words they thought suited that person, like “beauty” and “wisdom” and “cedar tree.” When you were “it,” you were supposed to close our eyes and listen for the words that you really liked and then put them together to make your "cosmic name" (I think that was the point, but I was mentally busy making up my own versions and trying not to laugh).
I had a hard time keeping it together throughout because that’s what happens to me during these kinds of activities, but I managed to be pretty appropriate until it was my turn.
In my defense, I was egged on by Camille (not her real name), who is six feet tall and by her own admission weighs 320 pounds and always is dressed to the nines. (Nine what?? I never understood that one but I’m not one to look a gift clichĂ© in the mouth.) Camille says she wants to be like me when she grows up so she holds a place in my heart. She is every inch a southern belle so it’s always joyous, for me, when she says things like, “People in Seattle are not pretty. Excuse the language, but in any given situation, there is literally no one to eye-fuck.” But I digress.
The Name is Conferred by the Cosmos
So it becomes my turn and the words offered were complimentary but weren’t causing any moisture. HOWEVER, when I woke up this morning, my cosmic name arrived! Full-blown—right between my eyes! I AM TWINKLY JESUS WOMAN! HEAR ME ROAR!
I am Twinkly because a woman I know said when she told her husband I was coming over, he said, “Isn’t she the one who always has a twinkle in her eye?” High praise indeed! What he was seeing were my attempts to not say what I’m really thinking because experience has proven that I have the inappropriate gene. I’ll go for funny every time and that often isn’t good, like at funerals or when asked, "Do you know how fast you were going, Ma'm?" It is a relief that, to at least one person, I am “twinkly” instead of a congenital doofus and apparently my subconscious agreed.
The J.C. Connection
Now, about Jesus. I am a big fan, but maybe not in the way you think. As a small Catholic child, the guy in the nightgown was interesting but didn't encourage connection. But ever since I found an article in Popular Mechanics about some forensic anthropologists who built a much more believable replica of J.C. and described why they think he looked like this, I can relate. He's nothing like what we’ve been told anno domini.
This guy looks relatable, like someone I could follow around and maybe wash his feet if they needed it. (Not with my hair, though. Ew.) I like what he probably said (check out Document Q) and try to live up to it. Being called Jesus Woman makes my heart sing. Disclaimer: I am not, however, probably within the majority definition of “Christian.”
Also, he was Jewish and I have been a Judeophile (look it up) since the 4th grade when I was best friends with Madeline Rochelle (Bunny) Hiller who taught me some Yiddish and that sour cream goes on just about everything.
My daughter Terry says I am a Jewish wannabe. I say I just like hanging with people who value smarts, humor, and have a social conscience. And who are impressed with all the Yiddish I know. Thank you, Marsha Mamie Miller.
Here’s what the forensic anthropologists came up with:
This is someone I could have coffee with and get into interesting discussions with.
Finally, obviously (or not), I am a Woman. My subconscious added that since no one in the class called out that word and my subconscious needed it to deliver my spectacular cosmic name. In fact, none of these words came from the cosmic name game so the name is even more valid. It was delivered straight from the Cosmos.
So if you want to address me as Twinkly Jesus Woman, I will not only answer, you will be on my nice list. Business cards are on order. I think this calls for a tiara and maybe a cape.
